Sometimes it's easy to get so focused on the negatives that it's easy to overlook some really amazing positives in life. Being a Negative Nancy myself I know how hard it is to find the light in the dark, but sometimes there's so much darkness that it doesn't feel like there's any light. With so much going on recently with stressful jobs, a recent move, trying to get ready for the holidays and the ongoing toxicity that my stepdaughter's birth mother creates in our lives, there has been a lot of negatives that have created a sense of drowning at times. But here lately I've realized that there are two major things that I need to be extremely thankful for.
With starting this blog I've been reading the blogs of other stepmothers and I have found comfort in some of their insights and experiences, both the bad and the good. I feel awful saying that I find comfort in the bad experiences of others, but it made me realize I've been overlooking these two huge positives in my life. The fact that my fiancé has custody and that his daughter and I have such a close relationship, that she is so loving and has accepted me the way she has. I am so horribly lucky for these two things and I feel like a jerk for not realizing it before.
So many other stepmom's don't have the luxury I have, with having B home with us as much as we do. Yes it sucks when she's away, especially since she just doesn't want to go with her mother anymore. It hurts that I can't change her circumstances, but how easily I forget that I have as much time with her as I do. If the tables were turned and I only saw her every other weekend, with an additional two hour visit on Thursdays during the school year, I imagine things would be very different for us. With less time together I feel like she would have a harder time accepting me into her life, and maybe we wouldn't have such a great relationship. But instead I am nearly a full time mother to her and I get to see her nearly every day.
This has also made it easier for me to learn and grow with her, to figure out how to be the best mother I can be to her. Even though I helped to raise my nieces when they were young and helped my mom with daycare kids when I was growing up and she was still doing daycare out of the house, I've yet to have any children of my own so I'll admit I don't have a lot of experience and I don't always know what I'm doing. It was difficult at first when her father and I first started living together and I took on a more active role in her life. There were days where I would get so frustrated and depressed I would text him and tell him I didn't have what it took to be a mother or that I was a horrible mother. His faith in me was unwavering and he became my personal cheerleader, reassuring me at every step that I was doing fine and to not get so frustrated with myself. Like anything it just took some time and things have gotten a lot easier since then.
I'm also incredibly lucky that B is who she is. She is an incredibly empathetic young girl and is extremely loving. She never seemed to even think twice about how she felt about me becoming involved with her father and accepted me into their lives with open arms. Aside from giving me a wide berth on mornings where I'm super cranky and running late for work, she is never short of thrilled to have me around. I take this for granted and I'm kicking myself now for not realizing how easily it would be for her to reject me. With how big of a heart this little girl has it just never crossed my mind. We just clicked and it's like the three of us just fell together as a family right away. It's been incredible and I am so thankful for the love that I have found in my fiancé and B.
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